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Are You And Your Spouse Living Your Best Lives As A Married Couple?
Even when things don't go your way?
If you've been married long enough, you know that, just like in life itself, marriage almost never goes as planned.
There are the highs that we all love; like our first kiss as husband & wife, romantic date nights under the stars, and beautiful evenings watching sunsets on the beach.
But how do you and your spouse deal with the lows? The curveballs? The everyday life moments that don't go perfectly to plan?
We actually experienced one of those moments on a day that was supposed to be perfect...our wedding day.
More specifically, during our first dance as husband and wife.
In this episode, I'll be sharing our wedding story, first dance details, and the three important lessons it taught us about living married life to the fullest.
You and your spouse can apply these lessons to your own life, as well.
And if you've been following along, this is the first episode, of a three-part series, that will give you a better idea of who I am, what Rich and I are all about, and our twenty year journey of dancing through marriage.
I'm so excited to share what we’ve learned from our wedding day and first dance. But first, the story, so you can get a feel for how everything went down...
Our Wedding Day And First Dance…
June 2, 2001 was a day that we had planned for over two years.
We wanted everything to be perfect and there wasn't a detail that was left unplanned. Or, so we thought.
Our ceremony was perfect.
I walked down the aisle to a string trio of violins, and a cello, which filled the church with the most beautiful music.
Rich and I felt so much joy exchanging our vows, sealed the moment with a kiss, and before we knew it, we were married and off to celebrate with friends and family.
After a delicious dinner, our hall, which had been filled with live jazz music, and lively conversation, fell silent when the DJ announced us onto the floor for our first dance as husband and wife.
We had given this moment a lot of thought and had picked out the perfect song to make it magical.
But, after we stepped into the spotlight and all eyes were on us, something happened that we didn't expect.
We froze, like a deer in headlights.
The nerves hit us like a ton of bricks when we realized that we didn't actually know how to dance.
The videographer was there to capture the moment, the photographer was ready to take the perfect pictures, and all we could do was wrap our arms around each other and hold on for dear life.
Rich had never danced before, and the only dancing I had under my belt was jazz, tap and ballet as a kid. So we did the only version of partner-dancing we knew, which was rocking back and forth like nervous teenagers at high school prom.
Now, we had seen this trusty hug-and-sway done beautifully by other wedding couples, even celebrities, but because the nerves had taken over, we couldn't loosen up.
Our dancing felt more like stiff Frankenstein steps, than the graceful moves we were hoping for.
Through a forced smile, I said "hey Rich, everyone is watching us. Can you spin me?"
Rich said "uh, how do we do that?"
I quickly went to plan B, "OK, what if you just dip me really quick?"
Again, Rich reminded me that we didn't know how to do that either.
We were scrambling to come up with something that would look halfway presentable, but before we knew it, the moment was over.
We made the best of it, and didn’t let it ruin the rest of our evening, but truthfully it felt like we missed a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean what other time in your life are you dressed to the nines, in the middle of a dance floor, surrounded by the closest people in your life, cheering you on?
Looking back on our wedding day, our first dance was our biggest regret, but it taught us three important lessons that changed our views of life and marriage.
And it may even change the way you view yours.
Marriage Lesson #1: When Something Goes Wrong, Learn From It.
No matter how much you plan, something is bound to pop up that you least expect.
And when it does, it may be out of your control. But what you always have control over is the lesson you can learn from it.
Rich and I try to look for the lessons, so we can continue to improve ourselves, and make our life together more enjoyable.
The lesson we learned from our first dance is that we're not always going to be prepared for what life throws our way, and we have to figure it out as we go.
And…if we’re only focused on what’s going wrong, or how we think life or marriage should be, we will miss what’s going right, or how it’s meant to be.
So give yourself some grace, make the most of each moment and try to enjoy it the best you can, because some things only happen once and you might not get a chance to do it again.
Marriage Lesson #2: When You Screw Up, Find The Humor In It.
There's some layer of humor to almost everything in life, depending on the angle you look at it.
But moments like our first dance, used to stop Rich and I in our tracks.
We used to put so much pressure on ourselves to make everything perfect, that it used to suck the fun out of what we were doing.
Now we've learned to take the pressure off, go easy on ourselves, and not take ourselves too seriously, because the cost of perfection is the joy and freedom of living in the moment.
And a lot of the things that have gone wrong over the years, have turned into some of our most favorite memories.
These are the classic moments that stick out in our minds, that we can tap into and laugh about, like a good comedy.
Because let's just face it, life can get hard sometimes and everyone can use a little comic relief now and then.
So the next time life gets crazy or you screw up, try to find the humor in it. And remind yourself that you and your spouse will probably look back and laugh about some of these moments for years to come.
Marriage #3: When Things Don’t Go Your Way, Remind Yourself That Life Could Be Leading You Somewhere Better.
Sometimes we hold onto our idea of how life and marriage should be, so tight, that we miss the chance to let it grow into something better than we could've ever imagined.
For instance, have you ever had something happen, that didn't go your way, but afterwards you were thankful it didn't?
You know, the type of moments that make you think "wow, if that wouldn't have happened the way it did, we would've never gotten this, or experienced this, or gotten to this point in our lives"
Can you imagine what your life and marriage would look like, if everything went exactly as you planned?
Okay, you might be thinking it would be great, because you could have dodged all the bad stuff.
But it also would be so predictable and there wouldn't be any element of surprise to keep us on our toes.
And what if life has something even better in store for you and your spouse?
Or what if you NEED some of the bad stuff to happen, to help you grow into the couple you NEED to be, to live the life you WANT?
I love the quote by Tony Robbins that goes something like "life is always happening for us, not to us"
Meaning, there's a reason for everything that happens in our lives.
Rich and I feel that when we look at life in this way, it helps us roll with the punches, go with the flow, and trust that whatever is happening, is happening for a reason.
And when we look back on our marriage, we would've never had the relationship we do now without all the good, and bad, we've overcome and experienced together.
The good moments have been fun and brought joy to our lives, but the hard moments have made us grow as a couple and added more depth, meaning, and value to our relationship.
Do we still have bad days? Of course.
But our goal is to break up the pattern of feeling like things are always going wrong.
Believe me, Rich and I still feel disappointment and sadness. And sometimes things still feel wrong in the moment, especially in the world we're living in.
But by shifting our thoughts, from "why is this happening to us, to; "this is happening for us," we're able to continue growing and feeling hopeful when things don't go our way.
The next time things don't go your way, try looking at it with this new perspective, and remind yourself that life could be taking you and your spouse in a different, and better, direction.
Occasionally there will be those special moments that play out like a hallmark movie. Enjoy those moments, but…
The next time things DON’T GO AS PLANNED, ask yourself (AND YOUR SPOUSE)...
Is this happening to us, or is it happening for us?
Is there a lesson to learn from this situation that will make our life better?
Is there something humorous about this situation that we can laugh about?
Is this situation leading us to something greater than we can imagine?
It's amazing what a little change in perspective will do.
And based on the belief that life is leading us to something better? Our first dance did just that.
Our wedding day may have been the first time dancing really caught our attention, but it wasn't the last. And little did we know that it would be the beginning of something very significant in our lives.
Coming up…
In the next episode I'll be sharing the one moment that inspired Rich and I to start dancing, and how it improved our marriage, so you can see for yourself all the benefits that come along with dancing with your spouse.
Thanks for listening to our Dancing Through Marriage journey, and I'll see you in the next episode!